


clandestine

by heavenlypillie



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: M/M, Smut, lapslock, other members are clueless, sungjin is obsessed with him, tsundere sungjin, wonpil is a camboy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2019-11-14 10:53:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18051152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenlypillie/pseuds/heavenlypillie
Summary: wonpil is secretly a camboy and sungjin is secretly in love with him.it becomes a little more complicated once wonpil joins his band.





	1. wish they’d heard me through the walls

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first smut so i apologize if it’s kind of bad :(
> 
> don’t know how frequently i’m gonna upload bc i’m not sure if this story will take off.
> 
> leave suggestions/tips pls !

sungjin types the familiar username into his phone and double checks to make sure his headphones are plugged in. he can't have another scare like last time.

he knows it's wrong jerking off to some random barely-legal camboy that's just trying to pay off his student loans, but he can't help himself.

it's just that @clandestinelypastel, his favorite camboy, is extremely feminine. like a girl. because sungjin totally likes girls. that's all it is. really. nothing more and nothing less. he's totally not gay, not at all. it totally wouldn't be a lot easier to just find a camgirl.

he sees a new video pop up and instantly feels tension in his jeans. that's just the power that his favorite camboy has on people. he looks at the description under the video and his eyes widen.

sorry guys, have to be kind of quiet today, my roommates are home and i don't want them to see what a bad boy i've been ;) ~p

sungjin has never clicked a video faster in his life.

the boy, hair a mess and lips swollen pink, is in pink lace panties with thigh-high stockings, his sweater exposing his stomach just slightly. sungjin watches hungrily as he begins to palm himself, his member growing rather quickly. for such a small boy, he's a pretty well-packed, and sungjin can't get enough. 

sungjin watches as the younger mewls softly from his own doing, pulling down his panties the rest of the way to expose his full member, his eyes closing with bliss.

sungjin closes his eyes and begins stroking himself, listening to his feminine sighs and moans fill his ears. 

sungjin feels himself get closer and closer to his orgasm as he thinks about what the camboy would feel like under him, or what it would feel like to run his hands along his thighs and stomach. he bets that the younger's soft skin tastes like candy, matching his pastel appearance.

he looks back down at the screen and sees wonpil's hand begin to shake, a tell-tale sign that he's close.

that's right, as if he couldn't be enough of a twink, the younger fucking convulses when he comes.

sungjin turns his volume down in panic when he lets out a particularly loud moan and squirts all over himself, the boy breathing heavily as he feels himself up and down sporadically, thighs twitching violently, sungjin coming as he stares in amazement.

god, the kid can work wonders.

he stifles his groans, knowing his band members are another room over, and shuts his eyes tightly. he breathes heavily as he comes out of it and shuts his phone off, feeling the familiar feelings of guilt rush through his veins.

he then gets up, washing his hands and walking over to the room besides his, where jae, dowoon, and brian all sit, talking in a hushed manner. 

"what's going on? secret meeting without me?" 

they stare at him in silence and sungjin almost thinks they've heard him moaning through the walls, a bead of sweat starting to form on his forehead. 

"we have something to tell you... we've all kind of come to a conclusion." jaehyung says.

"about what?" sungjin asks nervously. 

"we think it's time to find a new keyboard player." younghyun says, voice tentative.

sungjin wishes that they had just heard him through the walls.

"no." sungjin says curtly, even the mention of such an idea causing an ache in his chest. 

"hyung... we know you're still sad about junhyeok but—"

"it's not about that. i said no and that's final." sungjin says.

sungjin would be lying if he said he wasn't still hurting because of junhyeok's sudden departure from the band. all because of sungjin's stupid confession. he never should've opened his mouth. he was stupid to think junhyeok liked him like that. 

it was just a mistake. he just wasn't thinking at the time. he knows now that he's not gay. it was just a mistake. 

"then what is it about, sungjin? do you want the band to fail?" jae asks.

sungjin shakes his head. he knows he's being selfish by holding his band back, but he can only imagine how much it'll hurt seeing junhyeok's spot filled up somebody else. somebody else who doesn't mean nearly as much to sungjin as junhyeok did.

"then please hyung, let us hold auditions. i know it hurts. we all miss him. but it's time, don't you think?" dowoon finally speaks up, eyes pleading.

sungjin knows he's can't do this to his band. he knows the day would come where they would need to look for a new keyboardist, but he just didn't know it would be so soon. it's only been a few months.

"okay. fine. we can have auditions." sungjin mutters.

the rest of the band smiles and quickly begin chattering in excitement, excited for what their future holds.

-

-

-

sungjin really wasn't prepared for how hard it would be to find a good keyboardist. they've had about twenty auditions and not a single person has impressed them enough to become a part of the band. they're starting to lose hope. it breaks sungjin's heart to see his band so defeated.

"next." jae calls unenthusiastically. 

their last auditioner of the night.

sungjin doesn't even bother to look up with this one, ready to just get it over with, his paper ready, taking a swig of his water.

"hello, my name is kim wonpil and—"

sungjin actually spits his water all over the place, nearly breaking his neck at how fast he looks up.

@clandestinelypastel, his favorite camboy, is currently standing in front of him. who knew that camboys also dabble in music?

"oh my goodness, a-are you okay?" wonpil asks, eyebrows furrowing in worry.

"yes, go." is all sungjin manages to get out, heat rising to his cheeks as all his other members stare at him in confusion.

he begins playing and sungjin can't bring himself to focus on it, instead drifting most of his focus on trying to not lose his fucking mind.

because not only is his favorite camboy playing keyboard for him right now, but he's also wearing the same sweater from the video that sungjin watched the other day, sparking some not so safe for work memories.

before sungjin knows it wonpil finishes playing and everyone immediately erupts in applause, the young boy shrinking into himself, cheeks pink.

"wow. that was good. we're definitely interested. leave us your contact info and we'll give you a call." jae says, everyone nodding.

"thank you so much! this means so much to me!" wonpil says, bowing greatfully.

he leaves and sungjin is left absolutely in shock. 

whatever he does, he cannot let wonpil join their band. 

"holy shit. i think he's the one, guys. he was so amazing!" jae says.

"really? i didn't think he was that good." sungjin says.

"you're kidding, right? he was by far the best audition we've had today." younghyun says.

"not really. he almost missed that second entrance." sungjin says.

"yeah no, you're kidding. you have to be. that's ridiculous. i don't know what the hell is up with you lately." jae says.

sungjin knows he's not gonna win this one. wonpil was the best audition yet, there's no denying that.


	2. chicken bulgogi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sungjin is forced to sit through a rather awkward dinner with wonpil, a boy who’s penis he’s seen and jacked off to more times then he can count.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here’s chapter 2!! i wrote this during a sudden burst of inspiration so please let me know if i made any editing mistakes as i did my best to check but it’s three am on a school night and i’m exhausted. we love that healthy school life.

if sungjin could rank all his worst experiences, the one he’s about to experience would be sitting solidly at second place.

he’s about to have to sit through a dinner/possible band initiation with the same boy that he’s jacked off to almost every single day for a three months now.

and even though he knows it’s terrible to admit, sungjin would be lying if he said he had stopped watching his videos after the audition. in fact, he’s watched every single video wonpil had uploaded since. maybe more than once. 

secretly, he’s hoping wonpil blows this interaction and they decide he’s not the right fit, but seeing how absolutely flawless he’s been up to this point in every category from personality to musicality, sungjin is almost positive he already knows the outcome for tonight. 

and let’s just say he doesn’t know how he’s gonna dig himself out of this one.

“hyung, we’re here.” 

sungjin snaps out of his daze, dowoon nudging him.

he gets out of the car, noticing wonpil standing at the entrance of the restaurant, one of sungjin’s favorite noodle bars, and sungjin can feel his insides wrenching painfully inside of him.

he doesn’t dare make eye contact, walking solemnly behind younghyun, who will just have to be okay with stepping up temporarily to sungjin’s leader position for the night because sungjin really isn’t sure if he can say anything right now without throwing up. 

“ah, wonpil-ssi!! it’s so good to see you! how have you been?” younghyun asks, the elder embracing him with a side hug. 

“so good to see you guys too! i’ve been well! been looking over the pieces i was given!” wonpil says shyly.

“ah really, how have they been going?” younghyun asks.

“great! they’re beautiful songs too. from the lyrics to the music, i really feel honored that you guys are considering me to be a part of something so intricate.” wonpil says.

well.

there goes sungjin’s hopes that wonpil is secretly a hateable asshole. that would’ve just been too easy. 

“shall we go in then?” jae asks, the rest of the members nodding. 

they head inside, gracious that they booked a reservation, the restaurant being fairly packed, and are led to their booth. 

sungjin shuffles in, still not daring to look up or speak.

“i-is it okay if i sit here?”

sungjin jumps, looking up to see wonpil staring timidly, sungjin realizing that the only available spot is next to him. 

he hesitantly nods and wonpil gives him a big smile, plopping himself down next to sungjin.

“so, wonpil-ssi, tell us more about yourself. what do you do apart from piano? any other hobbies?” younghyun asks.

sungjin can certainly think of one.

“n-not that i can think off. music is pretty much all i do, to be honest.” wonpil stutters, giving a nervous smile.

sungjin almost laughs at the pathetic attempt to cover up his secret past-time.

luckily for wonpil, before anyone has the chance to question him, the waiter comes and gets their drinks.

“w-what are you thinking of getting, hyung?” wonpil asks, looking at sungjin with his large doe eyes. 

“i don’t know.” sungjin says curtly.

wonpil’s eyes widen, not expecting such a short responses, looking down at his feet in embarrassment, cheeks red.

“ah, sorry! sungjin can be a bit moody sometimes, don’t mind him.” jae says, shooting sungjin daggers when wonpil isn’t looking.

sungjin huffs, not in the mood to talk, and plays mindlessly with the piece of paper from his straw, mind cycling at incredible rates as he tries to calm his nerves.

“the chicken bulgogi is good.” sungjin mumbles under his breath. 

wonpil looks up in surprise, barely catching what sungjin has said, but smiles down at his lap once he realizes.

they order their food, wonpil ordering the bulgogi, now being forced to play the awkward getting to know someone game.

“so, wonpil-ssi, how did you get into music?” jae asks curiously.

“w-well, my parents run a piano institute, so i’ve been around the instrument pretty much for as long as i can remember,” wonpil says, laughing nervously.

“but my parents never taught me how to play, so i taught myself because i wanted something to accompany my singing and the rest is history i guess.” wonpil says.

“you sing too?” younghyun asks.

“a-a little.” wonpil says shyly.

“you’ll have to sing for us sometime! we’d love to hear it!” jae says excitedly. 

“ah, i-i don’t know about that, i’m not really that good anyways. i don’t really sing publicly.” wonpil says.

sungjin tries not to look at the younger’s hands, which are now trembling, wonpil wiping his palms nervously on his thighs, biting his lip as the members coo at his shyness.

and that ladies and gentlemen is about all the stimulation sungjin can take for the night.

“i have to go to the bathroom.” sungjin announces, standing up just a little too quickly, the glasses on the table wobbling as he bumps the edge. 

“o-oh, sorry!” wonpil says, realizing he’s the only one blocking sungjin from going.

he gets up and sungjin nearly sprints to the bathroom, collapsing in one of the stalls.

he can’t do this. he really can’t do this. 

“hyung?” 

younghyun.

“what is it, younghyun?” sungjin asks exasperatedly.

“are you okay? you walked away all of a sudden.” younghyun asks.

“i’m fine.” sungjin snaps.

“well you sure as hell aren’t acting like you are. you’re treating wonpil as if he’s not even there!” younghyun exclaims.

“what!? no i’m not!” sungjin exclaims, despite knowing fully well that that’s exactly what he’s been doing.

“oh really? because the entire table can feel the tension right now and as as the fucking leader of our band, you should be the one stepping up and trying to talk to him, not me and jae.” younghyun says angrily.

“i know,” sungjin says shakily.

“it’s just hard, okay?” 

“i know. and it will be for a while. we all miss him. but you owe it to wonpil to show him kindness. he’s been nothing but kind the entire time and i think he would be a really good fit for the band. don’t you?” younghyun asks.

sungjin doesn’t respond, tears of frustration welling in his eyes. 

“just be nice to him at least.”

younghyun leaves, leaving sungjin alone.

he lets his head fall into his hands and he breathes in deeply, trying desperately to keep his composure. he can’t let his members know how weak he truly is. he’s just going to have to pretend like he doesn’t know, even if it kills him. 

he gets up, washing his face with cold water in the sink and takes another deep breath, bracing himself to go back to the table. 

he hurriedly slams the door open, gasping as he accidently slams it straight into someone, the latter yelping in pain as he holds his head.

“oh my god, i-i’m so sorry! i wasn’t watching where i was going!” sungjin says, helping the stranger balance himself.

the stranger looks up blinking, sungjin nearly throwing up when he realizes who it is. 

as if the universe couldn’t get any funnier, he’s hit and is currently holding the same boy who he masturbates to on the daily and the soon to be keyboardist and synthesist of his band.

wonpil, still looking a little dazed, gasping as he realizes who has hit him.

“o-oh my god! p-please forgive me! i’m so sorry! i-i i’m such a clutz! god, i’m so stupid, i-i really should’ve been watching where i was going.” wonpil rambles.

sungjin looks down.

wonpil is afraid of him.

“no, wonpil-ssi. it’s my fault. who even opens door like that, anyways?” sungjin asks, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

wonpil looks up at this, eyes blinking in shock before he breaks into a full-tooth grin, giggling at sungjin’s sorry attempt at easing the situation.

sungjin has really dug himself into some serious shit this time.


	3. wet dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wonpil moves into the dorm. things get even messier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyy happy 4/20 everyone! let me know what you think of this one!!!

if you had told sungjin a few weeks ago that his favorite camboy would be moving in with him, he would've laughed in your face.

he knew it was most likely going to happen, but he was in such a state of denial that he pushed it to the very back of his mind.

however, the more trips that wonpil had to make from incheon to seoul, the more inconvenient it became, and the more it made the most sense for wonpil to move in with them, despite how incredibly opposed to this idea sungjin was.

and now, sungjin can only watch in despair as the rest of his members help wonpil unload his belongings from his car.

"sungjin-ah, can i talk to you?" jae asks, pulling him aside.

"that's never a good sign...” sungjin jokes.

“what's up?" sungjin asks nervously.

"well... we were talking about it..." jae says, pausing.

"and we think it's best if younghyun moves into our room and wonpil moves into yours." jae says.

truly never a good sign. 

"you're joking, right? that makes no sense.” sungjin says.

"it makes perfect sense. out of all of us, you have been the most resistant to wonpil joining and if we're going to be a team, you’re gonna need to learn how to be around him all the time." jae says.

"regardless of who rooms with me, i'll still be around him all the time, so i don’t understand why that’s necessary.” sungjin says.

"why are you being so weird about this!?" 

"i'm not being weird about it. i like my current roommate, and last time i checked, i'm the leader. not you." sungjin says.

"oh for fucks sake sungjin! you're acting like a child!" jae yells. 

sungjin's eyes widen in surprise. 

jae isn't normally one to yell. or even raise his voice.

sungjin looks down at his feet, beating himself up mentally. he knows it's the right thing to do. he knows jae is right. he can't just hate wonpil forever, but he's so scared of admitting his true feelings towards men that he can’t deal with the way that wonpil makes him feel right now. 

"hey," jae says softly, sungjin looking up.

"i know it still hurts. but it's not wonpil's fault, sungjinnie, and it's not fair for you to take it out on him." jae says.

"so please, just give him a chance. room with him for at least one week, and if you still don't want to, i'll talk to younghyun, okay?" jae asks.

sungjin sighs, rubbing his hands through his hair.

"you just don't understand. you don't know the half of it." sungjin says, voice wavering.

"the half of what? we were all just as good of friends with junhyeok as you were." jae says.

"it was all my fault." sungjin says through angry tears.

"how is it your fault? nobody could've seen that coming, sungjin. don't beat yourself up over something that couldn't be changed." jae says.

sungjin shuts his eyes tightly, willing to the gods that this is all just a nightmare, but when he opens his eyes and sees that he's still in the middle of his apartment, he feels utterly disappointed. 

"i’ll room with him." sungjin says in resignation.

there's clearly no changing anyone's minds. he can't tell them the real reason why he doesn't want to room with wonpil, nor can he tell them about why junhyeok really left. he’s dug himself his own grave. 

"thank you, sungjin. i know it's hard, but please don't think we're doing this because we're out to get you. we really do want this to be a family." jae says.

"i know. i'll try." sungin says.

-

-

-

after a few long hours, wonpil is finally settled into him and sungjin's room, sungjin still in semi-disbelief that he let this happen to himself.

on the balcony, he stares wistfully at the stars, blasting music through his headphones.

he feels a tap on his shoulders and jumps nearly ten feet in the air, letting out a loud yelp. 

"o-oh my gosh, i-i'm so sorry hyung, i-i—" 

wonpil.

"can't you see i'm busy!? what is your problem!?” sungjin yells, defenses instantly going up. 

wonpil, eyes wide in shock, stares at sungjin in dismay, his lip beginning to tremble, his eyes quickly filling with tears. he's never been good at dealing with people yelling.

"i-i just, i-i—, j-jae told me to tell you it was time for bed because we have a busy schedule.” wonpil says quickly, running back to their bedroom, tears spilling past his eyelashes, cheeks bright red.

he’s so stressed. 

not only has he just made a huge move out of an apartment with some of his best friends (much to park jinyoung's disbelief), but he’s moved in with four other people who he doesn't know nearly as well, one of which, his leader, who hates him for no apparent reason. 

he lays down, facing the wall so sungjin can't see his tears and tries his best to keep his breaths steady as he sobs quietly. 

he wants to go home.

sungjin walks in after about fifteen minutes, glancing at wonpil's figure with worry. he feels the guilt eating away at him. he knows the boy is handling a lot right now.

"you awake?" sungjin asks tentatively.

no response. 

sungjin sighs, turning off the light and crawling into his own bed.

he has to pretend not to hear wonpil’s sniffles.

-

-

-

sungjin awakes, in the middle of the night, blearily blinking his eyes. he wonders why he's awake, until he hears a sound that makes his entire body tense.

wonpil lets out a small moan, writhing in his sheets, and sungjin's body goes numb. he doesn’t dare to even look. 

the younger lets out another moan and sungjin’s eyes widen in shock. 

he’s having a sex dream.

sungjin considers sprinting out of the room, but is frozen to his spot, heart pounding out of his chest as he tries desperately to block the sinful sounds out. 

wonpil lets out a whimper, breathy and needy, and sungjin feels himself begin to get rock hard. 

his breath hitches as he looks over and squints at wonpil's bed, the younger whining as he bucks his hips forward. 

subconsciously, sungjin's hands travel down to his pants, where he begins to stroke himself.

there are so many things wrong with it. so many. but it just feels so right. wonpil is just so unbelievably attractive. even more handsome in real life.

hell, even more irresistible in real life.

sungjin goes at this for a few long minutes, finishing at about the same time wonpil finishes having his dream, sungjin doing his best to keep his panting down to a minimum.

his feelings of overwhelming guilt keep him up the rest of the night.


	4. radio shows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wonpil goes on his very first radio show and messes up, leading to sungjin blowing up on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello !! hope you enjoy this chapter !! if there are any editing errors please let me know i tried to fix most of it but i think i missed a couple spots !! things r about to get good soon. prepare for some horny boys next chapter ;)))

sungjin wakes up to his blaring alarm clock, groaning as he turns it off.

despite how much he wants to turn around and go back to sleep, he knows he has to get up, as getting his other members out of bed on is usually a hard task.

he remembers wonpil is now rooming with him and braces himself, knowing he'll probably have to wake the younger up, which involves physical contact. 

however, when he sits up and looks over, he is surprised to see the younger's bed empty, bed made neatly, stuffed animals arranged perfectly. 

the same stuffed animals that are seen in the back of most of his videos.

sungjin tries not to think about it.

he blinks his eyes to clear his grogginess a couple of times and heads into the hallway, surprised to hear happy humming coming from the shower.

of course wonpil is a morning person.

sungjin snaps out of his thoughts and goes back to the task at hand, heading into the other room, where all other three of his members are still asleep, soft snores coming from their bunks. 

"hey, woon-ah, it's time to get up." sungjin says, shaking the maknae softly.

dowoon groans, but opens his eyes slowly, getting up begrudgingly. he's always been the easier one to wake up, even if he does complain heavily about it. 

"why we gotta be up so early?” dowoon whines, voice even deeper than it normally is. 

"i guess that’s just the price you have to pay when you’re famous.” sungjin jokes.

"well i don't like it..." dowoon mumbles. 

"yeah, me neither,” sungjin says.

“do me a favor and wake these two up, will you?" 

dowoon nods and sungjin thanks him, walking back into the hall.

he comes face to face with wonpil, who is only wearing a towel, bare chest exposed, sungjin turning his head away so fast he may as well have won a world record. 

"woah sorry hyung, i was just getting my clothes.” wonpil says. 

"why didn't you bring them with you!?" sungjin asks, shielding his eyes.

"clothes are restricting..." wonpil whines.

sungjin could not be any redder if he tried. 

"please go put on clothes." sungjin says, ignoring a rather unfavorable twitch in his boxers.

"okay okay, sorry. i'll go." wonpil giggles.

sungjin rolls his eyes, trying desperately to ignore how absolutely adorable wonpil's laugh is and heads into the bathroom to brush his teeth, changing into a fresh pair of clothes. 

without walking through the dorm naked, might he add. 

-

-

-

after a lot of hassling and grumpiness, all of the members pile into the car, sungjin being relieved that as leader he sits in the front next to jae as opposed to crammed in the back with the younger members. 

more specifically their newest.

"alright, how are we doing? everyone feeling okay?" sungjin asks.

sungjin looks back, all the members nodding, but notices wonpil fidgeting with his hands, figure trembling just slightly.

he's nervous. 

"wonpil-ah, is this your first interview?" jae asks, noting wonpil's quietness. 

wonpil nods. 

"yes," he admits.

"i'm nervous." 

"ahh, there's nothing to be worried about, you'll do great!" younghyun says, shooting wonpil a smile.

"yeah, i'm probably just overthinking like always." wonpil says, looking down at his lap. 

sungjin has to turn around yet again.

he can't fall for wonpil's charm. 

he can't make another mistake like last time.

he doesn't speak the rest of the way, letting the other members chatter mindlessly as he gets lost in his thoughts.

-

-

-

they get to the radio station and are rushed in, not given any practice time like they were supposed to, the radio station running ahead of schedule. 

in the midst all of the commotion, wonpil flubs a couple of notes on air, much to his horror. it's just a couple, but it's enough for sungjin to send him a piercing glade, further increasing his overwhelming anxiety.

they finish and head out into the lobby, wonpil looking down at his feet, beating himself up. 

his first real performance, and he screwed it up.

"you messed up." sungjin says. 

"i-i'm really sorry, hyung." wonpil says.

he hates being scolded.

"well don't do it again. it's embarassing. do you know how many people just heard that? we need good publicity, not bad." sungjin says.

wonpil looks up in surprise, semi-shocked, and feels the heat rise in his cheeks, his eyes filling with tears.

an unreadable look flashes over sungjin's eyes before he speeds ahead to catch up with jae, leaving wonpil alone. 

"i'm gonna go to the bathroom." wonpil says to younghyun, who's a couple of feet behind him. 

he hurries away, his anxiety getting the best of him as he collapses in the stalls, breaths ragged, trying but failing to keep his tears in, cheeks hot and vision blurring. 

sensitivity has always been his biggest weakness.

he just doesn't understand why sungjin hates him so much. he tries so hard to be nice to the elder. he doesn't know what else to do. it seems as if anything wonpil does annoys the elder, but he really likes being in his band and doesn't want to leave.

he's usually a charmer and a people pleaser, and for possibly the first time in his life he's met someone who doesn't like him. 

"hyung, are you in here?" dowoon asks, snapping wonpil out of his haze.

"u-um, j-just a minute dowoon-ssi! just finishing up!" wonpil says, flushing the toilet. 

he hurries out, his younger staring at him with worry.

"are you okay hyung!? you look like you've been crying..." dowoon says.

"i'm just tired, no need to worry!" wonpil says, flashing the best fake smile he can muster up. 

"no you're not. was it sungjin hyung?" dowoon asks.

dowoon might seem a little spacey sometime, but he really is paying attention. he saw how sungjin glared at wonpil when he flubbed his notes, and he certainly did not miss the look on wonpil's face as sungjin was talking to him after.

"no! i was just upset because i messed up, that's all." wonpil lies.

he doesn't want the other members confronting sungjin, or else sungjin will only hate him more. 

"you know...”

“it's not you." dowoon says.

"what?" wonpil replies.

"it's not you that's the problem,” dowoon says, taking a deep breath.

“we had a keyboardist before you who we all loved a lot. we had a lot of fun together, but one day he just left, packing his stuff overnight and leaving without a single word. sungjin was the closest to him. he's still hurt, and he's projecting it onto you, even though you haven't done anything." dowoon says.

"i didn't know that..." wonpil says, trailing off.

"b-but i guess that explains a lot. i'll try to be more aware of what i say and do from now on. i really don't want him to think that i'm replacing anyone, because i really like being in this band and i don't want to mess that up." wonpil says.

"your heart is too big sometimes, hyung. we'd better go before sungjin gets mad though." dowoon says, parting wonpil's back reassuringly.

the two then walk out of the bathroom and towards the rest of the members, sungjin standing with his arms crossed.

"seriously guys? what's with the hold up? we have places to be." sungjin says.

"i-i was just using the restroom..." wonpil says weakly. 

"what's that? are you talking back to your hyung?" sungjin asks, making wonpil shrink into himself.

"n-no! i-i—"

"sungjin. that's enough. let's just head back to the car, please." younghyun says, wrapping an arm protectively around wonpil, who's now shaking with fear.

sungjin huffs and leads the members back to their van. 

"i'm taking the front. i was really carsick on the way here, so unless you want me to vomit all over this nice interior please let me sit in the front." younghyun says suddenly.

"i'm fine with that, but i'm the eldest, so i'm not moving." jae says.

"umm... yes you are." sungjin says.

"says who? last time when dowoon was sick i was the one who sat in the back." jae says.

sungjin remembers that day. dowoon had come down with what they thought was just a cold so he was dragged along to rehearsal, but about an hour in he started vomiting incessantly and they had to cancel the practice, as they couldn’t continue on without their drummer. 

he remembers how jae and junhyeok argued over leg room the entire way back, as dowoon was allowed to sit in the front, all the other members finding it hilarious as the jae and junhyeok fought, kicking each other and flailing around like children. 

"that's not how the rules work. i always sit in the front." sungjin says.

"god sungjin! its a thirty minute drive, and my legs are too long to be crammed back there. just man up and sit in the back!" jae snaps. 

sungjin grumbles as he's forced into the middle seat, dowoon and wonpil on opposites sides of him. 

he can't believe that he not only has to share a room with wonpil, but now has to sit next to him. 

wonpil immediately curls himself up as much as he possibly can towards the window, trying desperately not to touch sungjin, who is visibly fuming.

the younger shakes with anxiety, abstaining from their conversation, refusing to even turn in sungjin's direction.

he's officially terrified. 

jae looks back, shooting a worried look, and signals for sungjin to investigate, sungjin shaking his head rapidly.

jae rolls his eye. 

"hey pil-ah, everything okay?" jae asks.

wonpil looks up suddenly, flustered at all the attention on him, and nods rapidly. 

"o-of course, hyung! i was just thinking about how i could improve my next performance!" he says, mustering the best fake smile he can give.

sungjin can see right through it though. he knows exactly why wonpil refuses to look at him. 

he knows he crossed the line today. he shouldn't have said what he said, especially after wonpil was so clearly torn up about messing up. 

he wants wonpil to leave, yes, but at the same time he knows the effect it would have on his hand. 

"you really didn't do that bad for your first performance. i just want the team to be the best it can be." sungjin says.

wonpil looks up in surprise, giving a small smile.

"thank you, hyung." wonpil says quietly, returning to staring out the window.

sungjin is gonna have to make up for it somehow.


	5. ramen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sungjin tries to mend things with wonpil. it does not go as planned. (and that’s an understatement)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lolol im kind of evil for this one... sorry. at least we got some smut in this one ;)) 
> 
> once again let me know of any typos or tips on improving my writing !!

sungjin really messed up this time.

ever since the radio show, wonpil has been avoiding him like the plague, instead hanging mostly around dowoon, who he seems to have attached to the most out of everyone.

this is what sungjin thought he wanted, but at the same time watching the two maknaes have fun and giggle together makes him oddly jealous. not to mention how touchy wonpil is with everyone apart from sungjin, always throwing himself on others when he laughs or throwing his arm around them.

he sees how much the other members adore wonpil and he wishes he could join in, but his own insecurities are so strong than he can barely talk to the younger without breaking into a sweat. it's only a matter of time before his members are going to start getting suspicious. 

sungjin doesn't want to live like this. he shouldn't be afraid in his own home. 

so, out of impulse, sungjin gets up, striding to his room, where he knows wonpil is taking a nap.

none of the other members are home, so it's a perfect opportunity for him to talk to wonpil without three pairs of eyes watching his every move.

because that's another thing. not only is sungjin scared, but because of his coldness towards wonpil, the other members watch him closely any time he talks to him.

however, when he's about to open the door to their bedroom, he hears something that makes his stomach drop.  

moaning. 

taking a nap his ass.

sungjin looks around, double checking that there's no one around, and puts his ear up against the door, anxiety high. 

ever since wonpil moved in, sungjin has tried his best to avoid watching any of his videos, as it's far too risky, but he just can't resist the sound of wonpil's sweet voice. 

against all of his morals, sungjin continues to listen, palming himself sinfully through his jeans as wonpil continues to let out, short, breathy moans. 

he hears rustling around and quickly goes into the bathroom, afraid of wonpil finding out, and turns on the shower.

and then his phone buzzes. 

clandestinleypastel has uploaded a new video.

"no way." sungjin whispers. 

there's no way wonpil would continue to upload videos. 

sungjin clicks on the notification, thanking all the gods that he put his headphones in his pocket, and plugs them in, hands shaking with anxiety at whatever is about to pop up on his screen. 

hi everyone, it is with much sadness that i regret to inform you that this may be my last post in a while, if not ever. i've gotten a stable job and i just can't risk this anymore, not to mention that my new roommate is very scary and would probably murder me if he found out about this page.   
       
sincerely, ~p 

sungjin reads the intro, his heart panging as he reads the way in which wonpil has described him.

not only does he treat wonpil like shit, but he is also invading his privacy in the worst way possible.

he shouldn't click play, but he does. 

this time, wonpil is dressed in pale yellow socks with white ruffles on the end, white panties with a tiny duck on the front, and a pale yellow sweater. 

sungjin wonders where he hides these clothes.

he takes off the sweater first, running his hands over his bare chest, biting his lip as he begins to play with his nipples. a sensitive spot for him, as it's where he seems to derive the most pleasure from. 

however, he quickly gets tired of this and moves down to his crotch, where he begins palming himself rather desperately, breath hitching.

"fuck." he whimpers under his breath, pulling his panties down, his cock springing up. 

sungjin can barely contain himself. wonpil is a sex god. that's all it is. wonpil is truly a sex god.

he begins rubbing himself at the same time as wonpil, who's already a hot mess just a few minutes in, the younger letting out soft, sweet moans.

not as loud as his normal videos, but sungjin guesses this is due to his new environment change. a little dissapointing, as sungjin wouldn't totally mind if he could hear wonpil's moans from across the hallway.

he wonders what—or who wonpil is thinking about while he makes these videos. 

soon enough, with that thought in mind, wonpil has sungjin cumming all over the tile floor, sungjin breathing heavily as he watches wonpil's body convulse with overwhelming pleasure. 

god damn he's good at what he does. 

sungjin then gets in the shower, scrubbing at his skin desperately to try to get the guilty feelings off.

he really truly shouldn't be doing this. it's not right. but he just can't bring himself to care. 

he finishes up and realizes he didn't bring any clothes, and is not about to pull a wonpil, so he changes back into the clothes he was wearing. 

he goes back to the room, slamming the door open, deciding that he's still going to make it up to wonpil for how he treated him last time.

wonpil nearly jumps out of his skin.

to his surprise, wonpil has already changed out of his get up, his messy hair neatly brushed, the younger wearing a nice hoodie and some sweats. 

"thought you were taking a nap." sungjin says.

"just woke up." wonpil says, a little too smoothly. 

"i see," 

"do you wanna go get some ramen?" sungjin asks.

"m-me?" wonpil asks in shock.

"who else would i be asking?" sungjin asks, wonpil lighting up like a christmas tree. 

"i’d love to, hyung!” 

sungjin has to hide the faint blush on his cheeks.

-

-

-

sungjin really didn't anticipate this to be so awkward.

he sits with wonpil, both of them silent, wonpil anxiously fidgeting as he stares down at his bowl, taking a few bites every so often. 

once again, sungjin has scared him into submission.

"so... you gonna talk?” sungjin says.

finally, wonpil looks up, cheeks pink. 

"i'm sorry... i'm not really good at this kinda stuff." wonpil says.

"it's okay. how are you taking the move?" sungjin asks.

"pretty okay. i miss my friends a lot though. especially my roommate. we were really close, and even though we still talk, i still get really homesick a lot. which is stupid considering that incheon is just a short train ride away." wonpil says, laughing sheepishly.

"i see. i hope things aren't too bad with us though, although i know i haven't exactly been the kindest." sungjin says, biting his lip. 

"it's okay... i get it, you know. i'm an outsider, and all of you guys have all known each other for so long. it’s only natural that it feels weird for me to be here.” wonpil says.

"yeah, but it doesn't really excuse my behavior. i’m the leader, after all. i shouldn’t be treating you like this." sungjin says. 

he shouldn't even be saying these words.

he's digging himself a hole. 

wonpil is going to take it the wrong way and think that him and sungjin are friends. 

and then he's going to get touchy.

and sungjin really doesn't know if he can handle that.

"it's okay, hyung. no hard feelings, seriously." wonpil says, giving a small smile. 

"okay good. seen any ladies you fancy yet? there are a lot of pretty girls in seoul, you know?” sungjin asks.

it's one of those question that he’s scared to know the answer to. 

"i-i don’t exactly swing that way... i-if you catch my drift..." wonpil says.

sungjin's heart drops. it’s an all too familiar feeling. 

he can't handle this.

"what?" he asks, throat dry.

this makes things too real.

he absolutely cannot catch feelings. 

"i'm... gay." wonpil says, hesitation in his voice. 

it makes sungjin's stomach drop. he's already caught them. 

sungjin doesn't say anything, scared of his voice betraying him, staring down at his ramen, heart beating out of his chest. 

"p-please don't be mad." 

it's so broken, so small, that sungjin almost doesn't hear it. 

wonpil is now almost on the verge of tears, eyes filling with tears. he shouldn't have said anything. he should've kept his mouth shut. they're probably gonna kick him out now. 

he thought seoul was a more progressive area, but he was wrong. 

"lets just go home." sungjin says, wonpil's eyes widening.

"but we haven't even finished our food." wonpil says, voice cracking. 

"i'm not hungry anymore." 

once again, sungjin has to ignore wonpil's tears and sniffles as they walk back to their dorm in silence.


	6. memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the truth finally comes spilling out after a rather heated argument.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehe. hope you enjoyed this one. wonpil is close to finding out everything... stay tuned ;)

"it's been a week." sungjin says to younghyun.

younghyun looks up from his book, raising an eyebrow. 

"what?" he asks.

"it's been a week." sungjin repeats, crossing his arms.

younghyun sighs as he remembers their previous deal.

"seriously?" he asks.

"you said stay with him for a week. and i did. and i hated it." sungjin says.

"oh come on. he barely even goes in there. he spends half his time in our room since he's terrified of you because you scold him all the time.” younghyun says, rolling his eyes. 

"we made a deal." sungjin says stubbornly, ignoring the sinking feeling he gets when he hears how much he upsets wonpil. 

"fine. i'll switch with him. i wish you would just stop acting like a fucking child though. you're supposed to be our leader, not someone who tears their members down." younghyun snaps.

"hey! that’s no way to talk to your hyung." sungjin growls.

"well you don't deserve my respect right now." younghyun fires back, standing up.

"you're being ridiculous. it's a fucking room, younghyun. i'm not asking we kick him out of the band." sungjin scoffs.

"exactly! it's just a room,” younghyun says angrily.

“but fine, i'll switch. you're gonna be the one to break the news to him though, not me." 

sungjin really doesn't want to. 

"fine." 

he marches over to his room and slams the door open, wonpil in the midst of a piece, fingers fumbling as he jumps out of surprise. 

"you and younghyun are switching rooms. today." sungjin says curtly. 

wonpil blinks a few time, processing the information, before a look of anger flashes over his eyes.

"no thank you." he says simply, returning to his piece. 

sungjin is taken aback. 

"excuse me?" sungjin says.

"i'm not just gonna move all my stuff just because you think my homo is gonna rub off on you." wonpil says.

sungjin has to give him credit where it's due. he never thought wonpil would actually have the balls to talk back to him. 

"i'm sorry, i don't think i gave you a choice." sungjin says angrily, ripping the plug out of the keyboard, wonpil cowering slightly.

sungjin is scary when he gets like this, but he’s not gonna back down. 

"if you want me to move, you're gonna have to make me." wonpil says, stubbornly plugging his keyboard back in, checking it's not broken before doing so.

"okay then, first let's start with getting rid of all these stupid stuffed animals. you're 25, not 10." sungjin sneers, rudely pushing them all off the bed.

"what is your issue with me!?" wonpil asks, voice rising.

"my issue is that you come in here with your cute innocent act and all your gay ass stuffed—"

"oh for fucks sake! why does it matter who i like!? it doesn't make me any different! i'm not trying to hit on you or anyone else in this damn apartment!” wonpil yells. 

at this point, all of the rest of the members stand outside the door, eyes wide at the scene unraveling before them.

"oh, you're not!? then why are you always acting so damn touchy around dowoon—"

wonpil slaps him.

"woah woah woah! what the hell is going on in here!?" younghyun yells. 

"i'll tell you what's going on. he's a hateful, rotten homophobe!" wonpil says, tears of anger streaming down his face. 

"that isn't what i meant and you know it." sungjin sighs, running his hands through his hair.

"what else is it supposed to mean!?" jae asks.

"i'm not dealing with this. you guys have no idea what i'm going through. and you never will.” sungjin says, voice wavering.

he storms off, running out of the dorm, slamming the door behind him, doing his best to swallow the lump in his throat and keep himself composed as he hurries down the hall. 

he can't come back. he's gonna have to crash at someone's place, probably jaebums. 

"wait." 

sungjin turns around, locking eyes with the one person he doesn't want to see.

"for fucks sake, leave me alone!” sungjin says, pulling at his hair. 

"i'm sorry. but there's clearly something else going on." wonpil says firmly.

"you don't know me, so stop trying to tell me you do. you don't know anything." sungjin says.

"i know how junhyeok left, i know—"

"don't you dare fucking say his name." sungjin says, his tears finally falling, fists clenching.

he really shouldn't be showing this side to wonpil. 

"what really happened?" wonpil asks, voice small. 

he knows he's treading on dangerous waters. he knows sungjin might explode.

but he has his suspicions. there's definitley something else going on.

sungjin pauses. if anyone is going to understand it's wonpil. 

sungjin can't keep pushing it away. he's gay. there's nothing else to it. he's lying to himself and trying to pretend he's something he's not. it's about time he faces his demons and admits the truth. 

"i-i..." sungjin starts, throat dry. 

"we can go somewhere more private, i-if you want. let me take you to get a drink?" wonpil asks calmly.

sungjin thinks it over and nods, almost like a child, wonpil tentatively approaching him.

"i-i brought you a coat. it's cold outside, you know?" wonpil says, carefully draping the coat over sungjin.

"thank you, pil-ah." sungjin whispers. 

his eyes flicker down to wonpil's hands, which are shaking rather violently from the cold. and in all the rush, wonpil seems to have forgotten to get a thick enough jacket for himself, and being so small, he's especially prone to being cold.

so sungjin grabs his hand out of impulse, even he in shock at his boldness.

wonpil blinks in surprise, eyes wide, cheeks turning bright red, and not from the cold, and same goes for his hand, which is now shaking even more violently. 

sungjin thinks it's cute. 

they walk in silence, wonpil's heart beating out of his chest. it's weird to see his leader in such a vulnerable state. he doesn't want to say something that's gonna make him blow up. he's wanted his hyung's acceptance for so long and he's so close to getting it. 

and secretly, he's thought sungjin was the kindest out of all of them, aside from the treatment which wonpil received. 

"ah, here we are." wonpil says quietly, voice breaking the silence. 

his favorite bar. small, but homely.  he's not much of a drinker, so he really only used to go to celebrate with his friends every once in a while while he was still in university. he had some of his fondest memories here, watching jinyoung get drunk and a little too handsy with youngjae, who was so smitten with his hyung. 

wonpil smiles at the memories. 

they quickly get seated at a booth, wonpil insisting he also buys sungjin food, and the two once again sit in silence.

it's such a contrast to the memories that wonpil associates the bar with, but somehow suiting all the while. 

"s-so, do you think you're ready to talk about it now?" wonpil asks timidly.

"i-i don't know. i-i really shouldn't be telling you any of this. i-i barely even know you." sungjin says, twiddling his thumbs anxiously. 

"maybe that's exactly why you should tell me." wonpil says, saying a thank you as the waiter hands them their drinks.

"you could tell the other members." sungjin says.

"i wouldn't. cross my heart. and if i ever did you have every right to kick me out of the band. i mean it." wonpil says.

and sungjin believes him. 

his words are so warm, so genuine. wonpil is the most loyal person he knows, and he knows this even just from the short months he's spent with the younger. 

"i-i—" he struggles, unable to get the words out of his mouth, his mind and heart screaming completely different things at him.

"he left because i told him i loved him." sungjin blurts out, his heart pounding so hard he can feel it in his throat. 

wonpil is left in shock. 

"o-oh. oh wow." is all he can say, unsure on how to react.

"yeah." sungjin says breathlessly, his throat constricting as he thinks about it.

"so that's why it hurt so much when i told you i was gay." wonpil says.

sungjin nods, eyes shut tightly as he tries to keep his tears in.

"i'm sorry. i'm so sorry." sungjin says, voice a mere whisper. 

"it's okay." wonpil says, hesitantly placing his hand on sungjins, rubbing small circles on it.

"i was so mean. all you wanted to do was fit in." sungjin says.

"i get it though. i understand. i'm not mad. i never was. i just hope that things are really okay this time." wonpil says.

"they are. i promise. you don't have to switch rooms. i mean it when i say i'm gonna be nice from now on." sungjin says.

"i believe you." wonpil says warmly. 

and for once, sungjin doesn't fight the butterflies in his stomach.


	7. vodka and sin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sungjin and wonpil make up.
> 
> the members celebrate.
> 
> chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was by far the hardest to write for some reason. i had trouble writing what i was picturing which is why it took so long. hope you enjoy :’)) wonpil doesn’t cry in this one hooray ! once again let me know any tips or any grammatical error i might have made! thanks !

sungjin and wonpil unlock the door to the apartment, wonpil in the midst of telling an animated story about his time back in incheon when he suddenly stops as he opens the door, cheeks dusting pink as all the rest of his members stare up at him and sungjin.

"oh hey guys..." younghyun says.

"hey...." sungjin says wearily.

"everything okay?" jae asks.

"yes, and i'd like to apologize to all of you. i shouldn't have acted the way i did and i'm truly sorry you all had to see your leader in the ways you did. it was disgusting and i'm going to try to fix it in whatever way i can. i hope i haven't lost too much of your trust and i will try my best to be the best leader i can be." sungjin says.

"really? so we're all good?" dowoon asks, eyes big.

"yes, we're all good." sungjin says, smiling softly as dowoon's face lights up.

"so i can keep my room?" younghyun asks.

sungjin laughs.

"yes, you can keep your room." 

"yes! jaehyungparkianwoon lives!" younghyun cheers, high fiving jae.

"you know what? i say we should celebrate this coming together." jae says, a shit-eating grin on his face. 

"and how do you reckon we do that?" younghyun asks.

"well my dear, we do have that bottle of vodka we've been saving if y'all are interested." jae says.

"you can count me in." younghyun says.

"i-i don't know guys... i'm not much of a drinker, a-and i already drank a beer earlier..." wonpil says, twiddling his fingers.

"oh come on, it'll be fun hyung!" dowoon pleads.

"plus, just between me and you, the hyungs don't really let me drink much, so this is extra special." dowoon says to wonpil.

"i mean, it could be fun. its been a while since the last time we’ve celebrated and we've been working really hard lately." sungjin says.

"well okay... m-maybe i’ll have just one or two shots." wonpil says, not wanting to be a downer.

"yeah! let's get this party started!” jae says.

they get the bottle open and quickly line up several shots, dowoon and younghyun staring at them like puppies looking for scraps.

"alright, who wants to go first!?" jae asks.

"i guess i will." sungjin says, taking a shot and downing it, no chaser.

then younghyun and jae do at the same, wonpil cringing. he can’t take vodka by itself. he barely ever drinks, and the last time he had vodka he ended up throwing up for hours.

"c-can i mix it with something?" wonpil asks shyly.

"what's the matter pil-ah, can't hold your liquor?" younghyun asks.

"truthfully, not really." wonpil says, the rest of the members laughing.

sungjin finds himself blushing.

he really has to control himself better. he's slipping. he's letting his guard get too low.

"alright, i'll get you some coke to chase it with.” jae says.

jae does as so and wonpil downs it, the other members laughing as he cringes at the taste, apart from sungjin, who finds it so cute he has to look away.

-

-

-

sungjin stares in shock as he watches all of his members dancing to blaring music, all absolutely plastered.

he doesn't know how he let this happen. 

he thought the boys would know their limit, but they clearly didn't, or at least chose to ignore it when they reached it.

out of all of them though wonpil must've underestimated himself the most. he mentioned he was a lightweight, but sungjin didn't think this meant that after just four shots he would be drunk off his ass.

"sungjin hyungieeee!"

sungjin looks up, eyes wide as wonpil throws himself onto his lap, laying his head on the elder's shoulder.

"have i ever told you how pretty you are?" wonpil slurs.

it makes sungjin's breath catch, his cheeks turning bright red at the attention. 

he has trouble keeping down the butterflies in his stomach, his heart pounding just slightly. he didn't take wonpil to be such a touchy drunk.

"w-what are you saying pil-ah? y-you’re not making any sense.” sungjin sputters, throat dry.

"you're just so handsome hyung! like a model!" wonpil says drunkenly, running his hand down sungjin's chest. 

"what are you doing!? do you even remember what i told you!? we can't let the other members know!" sungjin whisper yells, face inches away from wonpils, who can barely maintain eye contact.

"you're such a buzzkill, hyung,” wonpil says, turning his attention back towards the other members.

"i'm goin' to the bathroom." wonpil says, sauntering away as he moves his hips to the music.

but he doesn't.

instead he grabs his sexiest lingerie, a women's pink lace top with matching pink panties, and sets the camera atop his bed, shakily pressing record.

he knows he doesn't have much time to be doing this, but he's so incredibly horny, a side effect of when he gets drunk, and he needs something to satisfy his needs that won't totally expose his identity to his members.

plus, his fans have been asking for a new video for a while.

he's quick to start rubbing himself, just the slightest touch already having him throwing his head back, letting out soft breaths.

he does his best to hurry, not wanting to get caught, despite being one who mostly prefers the slow, passionate stuff, and soon has himself cumming all over the towel which he set out on the bed, breaths ragged as he trembles with pleasure.

he then writes a brief summary note the best he can and puts the video on a queue so he can watch it in the morning before it uploads, just to make sure it’s not too bad, then stuffing his towel under his bed.

he may be drunk, but he knows how to cover his bases. he knows uploading a drunk camboy video is a big sex fantasy for some, but not if done wrong.

he quickly gets up, changing out his clothes and back into the ones he was wearing, stumbling back out into the living room, eyes focusing blearily on dowoon, who’s still dancing to the heavy music playing.

sungjin sighs in relief, worried about how long wonpil was taking, but soon feels his stomach churn with jealousy as he watches wonpil saunter over to dowoon, a small smirk on his face as he whispers something to the younger.

dowoon then sloppily presses himself against wonpil as the music blasts, wonpil too drunk to fully process what is going on, letting the younger dance suggestively on him as the other members cheer, giving dowoon even more shots. 

it makes sungjin's blood boil. wonpil is clearly not in the right state of mind to be playing around like that. he's barely aware of what he's doing right now.

or at least, sungjin hopes. 

"alright, let's get you to bed, that's enough." sungjin snaps, pulling wonpil away from the chaos.

"awww come on, let him have fun! the night has barely started!” jae says.

"he's too drunk, jae. it's time for him to go to sleep." sungjin says sternly.

"you hated him yesterday, why are you all of a sudden acting like you’re the one who wants to take care of him.” younghyun slurs.

sungjin’s cheeks go red.

"i-i'm not! but we need to figure out everything about our rooming situation now that i’m staying and i'd like to do so before we go to sleep." sungjin says, crossing his arms.

“if you just said he was too drunk to dance, then how do you expect him to have a coherent conversation?” dowoon asks.

“i-i don’t know! even if he can’t, it’s still time for him to go to bed.” sungjin says.

dealing with his plastered members is always tough enough on its own, but he can't stand around and watch wonpil flirt with all the other members, so his next best option is getting him to go to bed. 

and after all it is past midnight after all and they have practice in the afternoon.

"okay, let's go pillie. it’s time for bed.” sungjin says, having to help wonpil walk.

sungjin pulls him by the hand, wonpil stumbling behind like a rag doll, and leads him to their room, the younger complaining the entire way.

"hyung, do we have to talk about the rooming? i wanna party!" wonpil whines, words slurring together. 

"we're not talking about the rooming, pil-ah. i just needed to get you here so you could lay down and go to sleep." sungjin says.

"but i don't wanna go to sleep! the night is young! let’s dance!" wonpil says, once again throwing himself on sungjin, dancing to the groove of the music which is still blasting.

"wonpil, please stop." sungjin whispers as the younger basically grinds on him.

but he doesn't push him away.

"just let me stay up? i'll be good." wonpil whispers against sungjin's neck.

it makes sungjin’s breath hitch, his jeans beginning to feel constricted. it feels so wrong. but he's dreamt of this more times than he can imagine. his deepest lust, making him crumble so easily. 

the nerve. 

but it's not like wonpil is going to remember any of this when he wakes up anyways, right?

wonpil then turns his attention to sungjin's neck, beginning to leave a few soft kisses on sungjin.

it makes sungjin feel so incredibly morally conflicted. he knows it's wrong to let wonpil do this. he knows his entire relationship with wonpil is based off of lies, but he just can't help himself sometimes. 

"you're so fucking hot, hyung." wonpil mumbles.

sungjin has to do something. 

his heart can't take it.

this is too wrong.

"g-get off me." he says weakly, pushing wonpil away.

"oh don't act as if you don't like it. i see the way you look at me from across the room." wonpil says snarkily.

it throws sungjin off. he’s never seen this side of wonpil. 

"i don't know what you're talking about. it's time to go to sleep, wonpil-ssi." sungjin says, his heart beating out of his chest, legs numb.

wonpil is catching on. 

"fine,” wonpil says begrudgingly, taking off his shirt.

"im sleeping naked though." wonpil says, beginning to take of his pants.

"jesus christ!" sungjin exclaims, looking away just before wonpil's member is exposed.

“put on some underwear at least!”


	8. the hangover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everyone is hungover and sungjin screws up big time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am truly evil for this one. i had a lot of writers block writing this and it never quite turned out the way i wanted it too but i tried my hardest and overall am semi-happy with the result.
> 
> leave any writing tips/suggestions down below !!

"hyung... are you alive?" 

sungjin groans groggily, opening his eyes to find younghyun looking down at him, concern laced on his face.

"mhm," sungjin grumbles in response.

"what time is it?" sungjin asks, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"quarter till ten." 

sungjin's eyes widen, the elder shooting up out of bed.

he never sleeps in this late. 

how did he let this happen?

that's when he remembers wonpil.

he looks over at the other bed, wonpil knocked out cold, a thin layer of blush coating his cheeks as he remembers exactly what took place last night. 

that's how.

"man, he is knocked out." younghyun notes.

"y-yeah i know," sungjin says.

"is everyone else feeling okay? it got kind of crazy last night." sungjin asks, snapping back into the matter at hand.

"w-well mostly. that's kind of why i woke you up..." younghyun says hesitantly.

"what is it? is someone hurt?" sungjin asks hurriedly. 

"it's dowoon..." younghyun hesitates.

"he's been throwing up all morning." 

"oh god, why didn't you wake me up sooner!?" sungjin says, head pounding as he stands up, nearly running to the bathroom, he finds dowoon slumped over the toilet, jae rubbing small circles on his back.

sungjin kneels down by dowoon, who's shaking with each heave, crying out of sheer embarrassment more than anything else. 

"it's okay, woonie. let it out." sungjin says, brushing the hair out of the younger's forehead.

he feels horrible. 

sungjin knows the younger has a terrible history of holding his alcohol, but he was so preoccupied with wonpil that he didn't even think to monitor their maknae.

"i'm sorry hyung." dowoon says between retches.

"it's my fault. i should've been monitoring your intake better last night. i'm sorry." sungjin says.

"is everything okay?" 

sungjin nearly jumps out of his own skin.

he looks up and sees wonpil staring innocently down at the scene, a look of worry laced on his face.

even after a night of being plastered off his ass, he still looks good. 

god, sungjin hates him.

"everything is fine." sungjin says curtly, turning back to the matter at hand.

dowoon at this point has stopped throwing up and sits holding down sniffles and hiccups.

"can someone go get him some water and advil?" sungjin asks.

everyone quickly scrambles up apart from sungjin, who stays with with dowoon.

"i'm sorry woonie. it'll feel better soon, i promise." sungjin says.

he feels horrible. he's been such a shitty leader lately. 

all because he's too boy obsessed.

it's pathetic.

sungjin doesn't have much time to wallow in self pity though as the other members come back rather quickly, dowoon graciously taking their medicine.

"why don't we all have a relaxation day today? we deserve it after how hard we've been working." sungjin says.

dowoon smiles graciously and younghyun and jae help him back to bed, leaving just sungjin and wonpil. alone. 

there's a slight tension, but sungjin doesn't know if he's the one creating it.

"hey hyung?" wonpil asks, twiddling his fingers shyly.

sungjin's heart is beating out of his chest. he prays that wonpil won't bring up what happened yesterday.

"yes?" sungjin asks hesitantly.

"could i by any chance see the new merch? younghyun said we had a meeting over it before i came but i haven't had the chance to see it yet." wonpil says.

sungjin almost wants to laugh.

here he is rethinking his entire life while wonpil has just been thinking about their merchandise.

"y-yeah, o-of course, let me just pull it up on my computer." sungjin says, hands shaking as he scrolls through his computer

wonpil peers over his shoulder, curious, when sungjin’s phone begins to buzz.

“oh, could you get that for me? it’s on the table back there.” sungjin says, looking for the website.

wonpil happily obliges and walks over, face paling as he looks at the notification in front of him.

“pil-ah, could you hurry up? it might be something important.” sungjin says.

he turns around and sees wonpil frozen, an undecipherable look on his face.

“w-what?” sungjin asks, his blood suddenly running cold.

wonpil doesn’t move, beginning to shake, and sungjin stands up, hurrying over and looking down.

@clandestinleypastel has uploaded a new video

sungjin rips the phone out of his hand, swiping away the notification and backing up. he can’t stand the look on wonpil’s face.

a mixture of shock, betrayal, and embarrassment. 

he can’t believe that he made wonpil feel this way. 

"p-pil-ah, i-i—"

"how long have you known?" wonpil asks, voice low and dangerous.

more silence.

sungjin is afraid.

"how long have you known, hyung?" wonpil says through clenched teeth, tears filling his eyes.

"i-i don't know." sungjin lies, his voice wavering.

he's so afraid. everything's crashing down all at once.

"all this time you've been cutting me out to be the bad guy when it's been you who's been the rotten one all along." wonpil says, tears finally falling.

"i'm so sorry. i-i wanted to tell you, i really did—"

"then tell me how long you've known!" wonpil says, voice raising.

it makes sungjin's heart race. the other members can't find about this. it'll ruin him. it'll ruin his career. 

hell, it'll ruin his life. 

first junhyeok and now this. 

god, sungjin really doesn't have a good track record with crushes.

"i knew since before you joined the band." sungjin finally says, vision blurring as he looks down at his feet.

he doesn't even have the guts to say it to wonpil's face. 

"you disgust me. you actually disgust me." wonpil says incredulously.

"well you're the one who put the videos on there in the first place!" sungjin exclaims, getting defensive.

"because i had to! you think i wanted a bunch of creepy old men sexualizing me!? i needed the money!” wonpil whisper yells, tears of anger falling past his eyelashes.

“well you sure didn’t act like you didn’t like it.” sungjin spits.

he doesn’t know why he’s getting defensive. he’s completely in the wrong. he knows that. but he’s afraid. so he’s going to run again.

wonpil suddenly gasps.

"please, for the love of god, tell me that you at least stopped watching my videos after i joined." 

silence.

"oh my god." wonpil says, throwing his hands into the air.

"pillie, i—"

"don't call me that.” wonpil sneers.

"everything okay out here?"

both pairs of heads snap up.

jaehyung. 

sungjin looks at wonpil, a frantic look on his face. 

he's gonna spill. 

he's gonna tell the other members what a horrible, rotten piece of shit he is.

"everything's fine. hyungie here was just showing me the merch!" wonpil says in his usual aegyo style.

it leaves sungjin in shock.

this was his chance to expose everything sungjin has done, and he dodged it.

jaehyung leaves the room and sungjin turns to wonpil.

"w-why didn't you tell him?" he asks softly.

"and risk the band breaking up? i'm not stupid. even i know a good thing when i see it," wonpil says, stepping towards sungjin.

"and trust me, this is just the beginning of the ride." wonpil whispers into sungjin's ear.


	9. teasing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sungjin knew that wonpil would be mad about his major fuck up, but he didn’t expect the younger to tease him relentlessly for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright guys.... sorry it took so long for me to update ! i was feeling very uninspired for a while yet again but im actually really really happy with the outcome !! also, wanted to thank you all for all the comments that you’ve left !! it seriously means so much to me that people are reading my work and that they actually like it ! sorry i haven’t been responding but i read every single one !! i think there’s just one more chapter left and even though i’m sad to see this story come to an end it’s been really fun writing it and i’ve never actually finished one of my stories so i’m very proud of myself lol. thank you so much for all your support and don’t worry bc there will be many more stories to come !

sungjin walks towards his room tentatively.

he hasn't talked to or seen wonpil the entire day, wonpil having locked himself in their bedroom, having dowoon bring him food with claims of "not feeling good". 

but sungjin knows the real reason wonpil doesn't want to come out. he wouldn't either. 

sungjin is tired though, having stayed up multiple hours past his bedtime as to assure wonpil is asleep, so the best he can do is pray that wonpil has finally succumbed to slumber and he can enter without a problem.

however, he's not so lucky. 

he slowly opens the door, peeking inside, face flushing bright red at he looks at the scene in front of him.

wonpil is very much awake. 

in fact, he sits on his bed, stretched out in baby pink lace panties and a sweater, lazily reading a book.

sungjin stares, slack-jawed, unsure of what to say.

wonpil looks up, a small smirk forming on his face as he notes the elder's fluster.

"take a picture why don't you? it'll last longer." he says, tone biting.

"i can't help looking when you just have everything out like that. put some clothes on and then maybe i won't stare like that." sungjin fires back. 

wonpil doesn't listen.

"wonpil, i'm serious. i don't wanna see that." 

wonpil laughs dryly.

"is that so?" he asks, voice low.

wonpil is teasing him.

"fine then. we're going to sleep." sungjin says angrily, walking over and flipping off the switch.

wonpil doesn't say anything, just puts his book away and lays down. 

the silence is deafening.

"goodnight." sungjin tries.

no response.

-

-

-

sungjin really needs to learn to not walk into any room that kim wonpil resides in.

this time, he walks in on him and younghyun watching tv, younghyun asleep, intertwined with wonpil, who's head is resting on the elder's chest.

sungjin feels his stomach drop, a nasty feeling brewing within him. they look too comfortable. and sungjin hates it. they are awfully close to one another.

and it drives him insane.

wonpil looks up, staring sungjin in the eyes, further cuddling into younghyun, a devious look on his face. 

he's testing the waters yet again.

"there's no time to sit around. we have a lot to do today." sungjin spits.

he can't handle seeing wonpil with younghyun like that. it makes him angry.

"what's the matter, you jealous?" wonpil asks.

sungjin's face flushes bright red.

and even though younghyun doesn't budge, still dead asleep, it crosses the line. 

teasing him in private is one thing, but bringing it out in public is too much for sungjin. wonpil knows about his secret, and sungjin thought the younger had more decency than to just spread it like it's nothing.

"that's enough. don't talk to me like that." sungjin snaps back.

a look of surprise washes over wonpil's face.

"whatever, you know you are." he says angrily, standing up, stalking off into their room.

-

-

-

"can you guys help me?" 

sungjin, along with all the other members in the room look up to see younghyun standing in the door frame, looking exhausted. 

he's been working on the songs for their new album for a couple of weeks and in his own fashion has forgotten to take care of himself, despite how much the other members have prodded him.

"what with?" jae asks from the couch.

"i've finished the song i was working on. but i'm not sure what to title it." younghyun says.

"oh, well what's it about?" wonpil asks curiously.

if there's one quality sungjin really admires about wonpil, it's his eagerness to help, no matter what the favor. 

"here, i'll just let you read it." younghyun says, handing him the notebook. 

"hmm," wonpil says as he scans it.

"it seems as if it's about a love done secretly, almost illegally..." 

clandestine.

sungjin's head snaps up, locking eyes with wonpil.

he wouldn't, right? 

"i have just the right title." wonpil says slowly. 

"really? what is it!?" younghyun asks.

he's been struggling on the name for the past couple of days.

"clan—"

"wonpil don't." sungjin growls. 

this is way too far. it's humiliating. 

it's throwing his sexuality out there as if it's nothing.

wonpil is forcing sungjin to come to terms with not only his sexuality, but his own feelings towards the younger. 

and it's killing sungjin. 

"what? i haven't done anything wrong." wonpil says, feigning innocence.

"he's just being stupid. he doesn't actually have a title." sungjin says, turning towards younghyun. 

-

 

-

-

after another long day, sungjin sighs as he flops onto his mattress. 

today, wonpil chose to ignore almost everything sungjin said.

it's driving him insane and he doesn't know why. he's been teasing him all week relentlessly, be it sungjin walking in on him naked in the bathroom or wonpil slinging himself over any other member that he can find.

and the worst part is, sungjin kind of doesn't mind the teasing.

not even sexually, but in a kind of domestic way. 

all the teasing almost makes him long for more.

sungjin's eyes shoot open as he realizes his dilemma.

he's truly and utterly in love with his keyboardist.

again.

-

-

-

sungjin is nervous.

wonpil has been acting weirder than ever today and they're at an important interview, their biggest one yet, and sungjin is terrified that wonpil is going to spill his secrets.

sungjin hopes that what wonpil said is true, and that he would never put the band in jeopardy, but he honestly doesn't know anymore.

sungjin stands next to wonpil, biting his lip, his palms sweating.

"hey wonpil?" he asks quietly.

"what?" 

"please don't say anything." sungjin pleads.

wonpil looks sungjin up and down, an unreadable look on his face.

"no promises." 

sungjin's heart sinks.

he can't have everyone know his secret. his reputation will be ruined. he'll be kicked out of the band. he'll never be able to leave the house again and he'll probably die alone. 

the interview starts and sungjin is sweating bullets the entire time, sneaking glances at wonpil to make sure the younger doesn't say anything.

"so wonpil, as a new member, has it been easy getting along with everyone? any drama between you all?" the interviewer asks, leaning in.

sungjin bites his cheek, palms sweating intensely as he waits for wonpil's answer. 

"not really. we had a few problems with our personalities clashing at first, but i've felt extremely welcomed into the band and i'm really happy that i've fit in so well with the rest of the members and...” wonpil pauses.

this is it.

the moment he screws sungjin over.

"that we have such a great leader to keep all of our heads on straight." wonpil says.

sungjin is left speechless.

he locks eyes with wonpil, who gives him a warm smile, and feels his heart melt all over again. 

because even despite everything that sungjin has fucked up, at the end of the day, wonpil still had his back when it mattered the most. 

and that alone is what convinces sungjin.

he has to tell wonpil how he feels about him.

even if it kills him.


End file.
